He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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