My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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