she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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