this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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