yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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