hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
