oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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