I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
