My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
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I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
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That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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