You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
