I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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