Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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