i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
