Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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