I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
