Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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