I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
