just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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