One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
