I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
