who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
