let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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