guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
