Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
