No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
