Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
