so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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