does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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