one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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