My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
