Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
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Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
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I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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