i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so let's talk penis.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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