The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
