your parents love me but you hate me
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
