After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize