Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
