It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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