I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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