I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
