These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
