The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
