I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If I die, sorry about rent.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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