Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
