Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
