found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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