The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
