Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
