Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
