if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
