3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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