WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
