I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
