don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
