Pappa wants mamma naked
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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