Plan B is the new Plan A
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
