I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
