You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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