I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
