I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
