I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize