I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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