I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
