READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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