Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
