Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We're too hungover to prance.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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