Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sorry my hands just texted you
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize