Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
