I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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