Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Come share oat with me in your robe
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
