I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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