It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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