it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She bit a glass in half.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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