Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son