So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth