my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
