What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
