I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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