how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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