I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
