ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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