i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
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i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
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Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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