I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
